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by Mimek

Florida. But to me this could ancient Vietnam or prehistoric plains of central America. It's one of those pictures that captures a mome...

by borda

I've often wondered what it would look like if we could plunge ourselves into Jupiter's atmosphere. What wonders of cloud formations an...

For some reason this piece reminds me of France in the autumn, which is curious since I've never been to France, much less during the a...

Mysterious, full of intrigue, and yet filled with a gentle visual calm, this piece beckons a kind of naturalistic mysticism. Imagine yo...


So I've just had it with my life being screwed with.

I moved up north so I could write and shoot indy video, but it's like I've got no privacy, and haven't had it as per my previous Journal entries.  

So I'm not going to write anymore.

Nor will I pursue film anymore.

It's too bad, because I had 35+ scifi gaming modules in various draft forms ready, initially, for Traveller, but planned on publishing independently.

Not anymore.

The idea back in 2005 was that I would make a success of myself after taking care of the depression thing.  But instead of becoming an assistant manager and gradually graduating back into indy film and video, and then either go after the woman I fell for, or some local girl.

However I find that I have no privacy, haven't had it forever, and am sick and tired of it.

For the parties concerned, you can go fuck yourself.
I love freedom of thought, and apparently DFN Mr. C and his confederate b___h he calls a wife, operating hand in hand with whoever, don't like that.

Hitchens was a magnificent mind, and I'm sorry he's passed on.  I'm sorry medical technology had not caught up with his cancer, and that he didn't have access to treatments out of Stanford.  

Hitchens, other than his "Marxist" period (as I'm very pro-business), he spoke my mind on many topics.  Seeing him archived on YouTube is a painful joy.  Hearing his voice and his articulated thoughts on the double standards of religion, in particular that damn bitch Mother Theresa, makes me want to cheer.

People put ego to justify their torture of others.   And Hitchens called them, whoever it was, on it.  And it didn't matter how many years had passed, he called a spade a spade.

I remember seeing his last public appearance archived on YouTube.  He looked frail, but his mind was sharp.  I can't help but think and feel that everyone in that room would have given their right eye if they knew it would help.  I say "knew" instead of "believed" because Hitchens and us, his peers, don't put too much stock in unjustified beliefs.  Regardless, we would have sacrificed anything to help him live a healthful and longer life free of cancer and other maladies.  

A lot of us are atheists, and not all of us are as well educated and armored against "the love bomb" tactic that churches employ.  

I remember I gamed with several individuals, in retrospect many of them were either security or law enforcement or affiliated with some kind of Catholicism version of "mental health", and one in particular (whose name escapes me at the moment) mentioned the term "love bomb".

This is important because this was one of many attempts to get me to stop gaming by someone who dissapproves of my gaming habit.  Same person is, in my estimation, probably Indian, and probably Catholic, and in cooperation with my then doctor, created this group to ween me off of not only gaming, but also my Star Trek fandom, as well as replace my atheism with some kind of belief in the catholic mythology; i.e. "god", so to speak.

It was not the first attempt.  The first attempt was in my 20s when I tried gaming with a man in my martial arts class called David Rebo.  A very fast but also emotionally unstable, possibly due to drug use.  In retrospect he may have been some security type.  Just off the top of my head, it seems to make a lot of sense now.  He and his D&D cohorts gamed in a loft of a store aimed at new parents and babies off El Camino in either San Mateo or Belmont.

Strange, since most normal gamers gamed in houses.  It was an attempt to show me how awful gaming people could be, and what a horrible habit it was.

Well, gaming is big business now, and my attempt to marry my gaming hobby with my film aspirations, which is now standard procedure, were destroyed by this bitch and the people she employed.

Additionally this person was also, and presumably still is, completely ignorant on atheism, and thought it to be akin to cultism, or so I'm surmising.  

I'm a man of science.  Tribal beliefs of people around the world are things that are dangerous, harmful, and worthy of ridicule.  

My personal life, my aims to write for games casually (not as a primary profession), my aims to find friends who are atheists and share my interests, have been dashed and utterly destroyed by this dumb bitch.

And yes, I call her a dumb bitch, because she is.

Back in 1988 or 1987 I was with Mike C. at Burger King off El Camino in San Mateo when some Indian girl in a Burger King uniform walked by Mike and said "Hi Mike."  Both Mike and I were puzzled.  We had never seen this woman before.  Well, that little encounter now makes a bit more sense.

Mike was, and presumably still is, a fundamentalist Catholic.  This asshole tried to get me to believe in "the devil", and kept saying how I should believe in his imaginary friend.  He gamed with me, said I was wasting my time with games, but because he was a Catholic, he was "authorized" (he and his brother Mark) to game with me, when all the while I was trying to find regular normal gamers.  Non-Catholics.  Men of science.  

Atheism has always been my life.  Even before I ever went to church (because I was dragged there when I was younger) the idea that a group of people told fairy tales that were contrary to all the science in books, was just perplexing.  

How is it that these people were saying an allegedly all powerful being had created the world a few thousand years ago when science says differently?  It could not be so.  I thought it might be some strange dressup game that these people were playing.  Kind of like the idea of Santa Claus for kids around Christmas, only this was for adults every Sunday.

I guess it's was then that I discovered the stupidity that people were willing to invoke upon themselves out of fear and ignorance.  I didn't have that full articulation, but that was the gut feeling.  And I now know this to be true.

Like I said a few entries back; no amount of "I'm sorry", no amount of apology is going to make up for the utter hell that these people, these mind numbed religious scum bags, put me through.

I miss Hitchens.  I wish he had taken better care of himself.  

And for DFN Mr. C and his Indian POS, if there ever was a hell (and regrettably and thankfully there never was) Mother Theresa deserves to be there, as do DFN Mr. C and his Indian confederates.  

Freedom of thought.  Freedom of expression.  Freedom to live as you desire.  

Blue Jedi, American
So, for some goddamn reason, when I do a search I get results from India.

I am not Indian.  I have never been to India.  I have no love for India.  I, in fact, given the number of scam phone calls from people with Indian accents, hate India.

Yet when I search for TV shows, famous people, or whatever else, I get Indian "results".  I get TV shows from India, I get Indian personalities, and all that goes with it.

Fuck India.

On top of that, my net access is restricted.  I've mentioned this several times on the game website in question, but will bring it up here in the hopes that more people will read it, and that is there will be a plethora of posts and new topics put up on sites I frequent, and then suddenly, usually after I go through a "bout of depression" all the new users and new posts stop.

And only a handful of people that are familiar with me, usually people who have security or health oriented backgrounds, post on those boards.

Notably a Catholic called flykiller, who either was asked by Dr. Ross (head of Catholic charities) or a third party that was only recently made known to me last year who, I'm guessing, are Indian and Catholic.  

I am not Catholic.  

I am an Atheist.

There has been an attempt to bring "god" and/or church and/or "faith" and/or catholicism to me.  In addition, my personal habits have been punished.

This includes restricting my net activity.  

The concept I'm guessing is that I'm depressed and unhappy because "god" is not in my life.  No.  I have spent a life time trying to put science first and foremost, but between being subjected to DFN Mr.C's machinations, possible exposure to steroids (which absolutely destroyed my academics), and even laughed at for watching COSMOS, James Burke's Connections, and other science shows by the person I called "mother", my depression, if I ever had it, was in fact fuelled by this party that continues to interfere in my life.

Here's what's going to happen.  either I'm going to continue to suffer this torture for the rest of my life, or the parties involved, including DFN Mr. C, will be exposed for the frauds that they are.

This log will be presented as evidence in a hearing at some point.  And evidence will be asked to be presented.  Given that I was visited several times at work by California State personnel, there IS NOT HIDING this time by people, even if they are over seas and operating in conjunction with various domestic entities.

This will include UC Berkeley, UCLA, and UC Santa Cruz, and possibly personnel from Stanford.

Dr. Ross; "Maybe there isn't anything going on."

Well, there isn't in terms of law enforcement for 10 year old road rage, but this third party (which is actually more than one party operating in conjunction and at odds with one another) has, and continues, to attempt to harass me out of my life, and ILLEGALLY keep tabs on my professional and personal life.

I'll note that my visit with a lawyer in Belmont to get rid of these people was tainted with a visit from elements of this mysterious 3rd party.  I won't even qualify that statement with a "I believe" clause, because I'm convinced of it now.

Net Activity monitred
Indians scam phone calls
Middle East kids giving me character sheets at Best Buy
Lawyers compromised

And lately the "Mister E-Star productions" chat thing taken from my private messages on my IMDB account.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
So, on my news feed I got an "animal" story that I really don't like, and said piece of shit "doctor" knows I don't like it, and keeps screwing with my net activity and personal feed.
This person;…

Used "E Star Productions" in the main chat for an Age of Empires 2 game.  The only problem is that E Star Productions is a name I made up to get an actress to send me a treatment for a Star Wars fan-film she wanted to make.

There is absolutely NO WAY that this person could know that unless I was stalked and hacked.  This person not only read my gmail account, but also read my private message to a one Aubrey Miller (or an IMDB user claiming to be her).

Again, 12 fucking years.  Thanks for not doing anything FCPD.  Thanks for stripping away my privacy Ross and White, you miserable sacks of shit.



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Thanks for the comment. This was my first 3D project using free software (Vue d'Esprit) given away in a magazine back in 2004 I think. I wanted to set myself a challenge and it has turned out to be the most commented on of my illustrations. Children often ask to use it for school projects etc. It has even earned me money!
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