So again I've deleted a lot of journal entries.
Recap; 2001, I did what the CHP calls a "brake check" on southbound 280 on Mother's Day (a Sunday) as a protest against local Bay Area racers abusing the freeways as their personal racetrack.
In 2004 or 2005 I lost my temper with two other people, one woman who cut me off in the Lucky's parking lot, and Dan, a blue belt from Master Walker's CSM Tae Kwon Do class on the Foster City levy at around twilight. Side note, I did not know it was Dan at the time, but do now.
Given the symptoms I suffered growing up from puberty onward, it is my conviction that someone spiked my food with steroids to make more "more of a man", which manifested itself in the occasional bout of temper.
Further, that I have extended family outside the nation that I did not know about until the last year and a half. And a lot of that is based on reflection of past events of my whole life, and recent events and encounters with people.
Further, that to me it appeared to be a simple case of depression, and that I would solve it with a visit to Dr. Ross after I spoke with Chief Courtin. I was then referred to Dr. White, and unknown to me this "other family" had been part of the issue as they used the exact same technique that doctors Ross and White used, only they had used them in the previous years.
Further, that there is a security component to this with, believe it or not, international reprecussions, and that me, as George, may in fact have some other family legacy apart from what I grew up with.
And what should have been a quick few months stint (maybe a year) with a therapist and psychiatrist, has turned into a 13 year ordeal because of this inane family that is overseas. Who did abuse me growing up with psychiatric techniques to mold me into what they wanted; one of which was a good little religious catholic. I am not a catholic.
Further, that there has been an attempt in the last two years to make me vent to destroy all hopes and dreams of writing for my favorite science fiction game, and games in general, to steer me towards a career path I detest.
Further, that this same family has illegally tracked my activities from afar, making me feel like there were some ramifications for the road rage incident way back in 2001.
Since I sold my house in Foster City and moved to Marin the rage episodes (not just road rage) have subsided, and all but vanished. Again, it's my thinking my food was being spiked with steroids as well as other medication.
I do not do drugs. I never have. I had a couple of baby sitters who did, one of whom got taken away by the police. But I have always maintained that drugs are bad for you on all levels, and my detest for alcohol and drunken behavior only reinforces my anti-drug stance.
Further, I've never had any real athletic ambitions, and steroids certainly would not benefit me nor further any career or personal goal aspirations I set for myself.
Further, there seems to be some kind of fear that my mother abused me or sexually molested me. She never did. Not ever. Get over it. She in fact may have had a very active personal life that I did not know about, of which sex was probably a component (and perhaps part of her professional career as a special investigator).
And that's where I stand right now.
It is further my belief that my net access is restricted, and the one website I frequent only gets fresh traffic on a weekly basis, probably as a measure to keep me off of that site.
The international aspect is, again as per my previous entries, not something that I've fantasized about. It is in fact a logical conclusion based on a lot of personal experiences growing up in Foster City and California as a whole.
There was one very interesting conversation which I had with my mother as she tutored me in English one evening. Combine that with some other aspects of my life, including a lot of family friends who came and went, I can see a better picture of what it was I went through.
I want to write for games as a side. I want to make independent film and video in the bay area as I see fit. And the drama I've been through, including being tailed by a Winnebago one Friday evening that flashed its lights and weaved back and forth behind my on El Camino on my way home from Fry's Electronics, has been extraordinary.
And, it saw three suicide attempts on my part.
Further, there is a curious concern as to why I didn't date and avoided women. I wanted to cure my temper first and foremost. And, further, I fell in love with a blonde bank teller after my mother died. It had been my hope and dream to seek her out once I had cured myself and gotten into a career I liked. But that's been destroyed. Further, she may have been manipulated away from me with a lot of promise of wealth and prestige, and further abuse of my person by psychiatry which drove her away after I reacted.
Further, that through my 50 years of existence there seems to have been some concern with me being an occultist. I am an atheist. I am not a satanist. Satanism is just as ridiculous as any form of Christianity or any religion anywhere. All religions are, in point and fact, lies and social mechanisms created for control.
Further, to this end, that there has been an effort to torpedo my efforts to meet other atheists in the local area, as I've been wanting to for my entire life.
Further, that there has been a criminal tracking of my activity hoping to turn me away from atheism and put me on a career path that I did not and do not want. Again, some of this appears to come from the United Kingdom as well as India.
Further, I was raised believing I was multi-ethnic, which may still be true, but my ethnicities, as I knew them were Pennsylvania Dutch German and Hispanic (native American, Spanish, maybe some French or even African genes all mixed together). This may not be the case, but it has been something that I have had to discover.
I like being George. But someone, again in my opinion, tried to harass me out of my life for whatever purpose. And it appears to focus around choosing a career path for me, and something to do with women and me dating.
I am not interested in women anymore. And my career path has been so disrupted that I will call foul against anyone who tries to offer me a leg up on a path I do not want.
I have tried contacting the police several times to put an end to this ordeal. I did try filing complaints with the state of California and more recently the Department of Justice and the San Mateo Sheriff's office. My phone and internet activity may have been hacked, and the complaint I filed over the phone with the San Mateo Sheriff's office has vanished. Additionally, one complaint I filed with the Department of Justice has dissapeared, and another, for whatever reason, is taking four months to be processed and mailed to me.
Ergo the conclusion that I had family who were VIPs because of all of the red tape and security measures I have gone through.
I have an idea of who this over family is. I want nothing to do with them. Because of them I have lost my house, my car, and probably the women I knew as my mother. And, further, because of their stupidity, I was turned away from writing jobs in order to get me lined up with contractor or construction oriented jobs, I'm guessing, as a precursor to work for a local film company, when all I ever wanted to do was to be a production assistant for that company, and then move on to create my own art. This is the same family that thought I was a satanist.
I am not interested in romance or sex anymore. I was. But I was going to indulge in it on my own terms. But someone kept interfereing in my life.
Further, the depression I suffered from adolescence, may in and of itself have been a psychiatric technique as part of an "oversight" routine designed to keep me in line, as well as being part of a symptom from steroid use. When all it did was absolutely destroy every academic and professional ambition I've ever tried to create for myself.
Again, local and now even state and federal law enforcement is aware of my plight.
I think only good things can happen from here on out.
I will write for my favorite game and not bring shame to it. I will create my own art on my own terms as I live locally, and not engage nor be employed by a larger entity that probably had designs on my person.
Regardless of my personal origins, regardless of my DNA and family heritage, I am George, and I like being George, and I have my own aims, desires and dreams to achieve what I want, when I want, and how I want.
And if you don't like it, then you come to me personally and tell me to my face. After which I'll fucking knock you on your ass and then some.
End of story.