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by Mimek

Florida. But to me this could ancient Vietnam or prehistoric plains of central America. It's one of those pictures that captures a mome...

by borda

I've often wondered what it would look like if we could plunge ourselves into Jupiter's atmosphere. What wonders of cloud formations an...


For some reason this piece reminds me of France in the autumn, which is curious since I've never been to France, much less during the a...


Mysterious, full of intrigue, and yet filled with a gentle visual calm, this piece beckons a kind of naturalistic mysticism. Imagine yo...

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So, this woman in France and extended family in India, are still harassing me as of 10AM this morning.  There's a religious bent to it.

Whatever.
So again I've deleted a lot of journal entries.  

Recap; 2001, I did what the CHP calls a "brake check" on southbound 280 on Mother's Day (a Sunday) as a protest against local Bay Area racers abusing the freeways as their personal racetrack.

In 2004 or 2005 I lost my temper with two other people, one woman who cut me off in the Lucky's parking lot, and Dan, a blue belt from Master Walker's CSM Tae Kwon Do class on the Foster City levy at around twilight.  Side note, I did not know it was Dan at the time, but do now.

Given the symptoms I suffered growing up from puberty onward, it is my conviction that someone spiked my food with steroids to make more "more of a man", which manifested itself in the occasional bout of temper.

Further, that I have extended family outside the nation that I did not know about until the last year and a half.  And a lot of that is based on reflection of past events of my whole life, and recent events and encounters with people.

Further, that to me it appeared to be a simple case of depression, and that I would solve it with a visit to Dr. Ross after I spoke with Chief Courtin.  I was then referred to Dr. White, and unknown to me this "other family" had been part of the issue as they used the exact same technique that doctors Ross and White used, only they had used them in the previous years.

Further, that there is a security component to this with, believe it or not, international reprecussions, and that me, as George, may in fact have some other family legacy apart from what I grew up with.  

And what should have been a quick few months stint (maybe a year) with a therapist and psychiatrist, has turned into a 13 year ordeal because of this inane family that is overseas.  Who did abuse me growing up with psychiatric techniques to mold me into what they wanted; one of which was a good little religious catholic.  I am not a catholic.

Further, that there has been an attempt in the last two years to make me vent to destroy all hopes and dreams of writing for my favorite science fiction game, and games in general, to steer me towards a career path I detest.

Further, that this same family has illegally tracked my activities from afar, making me feel like there were some ramifications for the road rage incident way back in 2001.

Since I sold my house in Foster City and moved to Marin the rage episodes (not just road rage) have subsided, and all but vanished.  Again, it's my thinking my food was being spiked with steroids as well as other medication.

I do not do drugs.  I never have.  I had a couple of baby sitters who did, one of whom got taken away by the police.  But I have always maintained that drugs are bad for you on all levels, and my detest for alcohol and drunken behavior only reinforces my anti-drug stance.  

Further, I've never had any real athletic ambitions, and steroids certainly would not benefit me nor further any career or personal goal aspirations I set for myself.

Further, there seems to be some kind of fear that my mother abused me or sexually molested me.  She never did.  Not ever.  Get over it.  She in fact may have had a very active personal life that I did not know about, of which sex was probably a component (and perhaps part of her professional career as a special investigator).

And that's where I stand right now.

It is further my belief that my net access is restricted, and the one website I frequent only gets fresh traffic on a weekly basis, probably as a measure to keep me off of that site.

The international aspect is, again as per my previous entries, not something that I've fantasized about.  It is in fact a logical conclusion based on a lot of personal experiences growing up in Foster City and California as a whole.

There was one very interesting conversation which I had with my mother as she tutored me in English one evening.  Combine that with some other aspects of my life, including a lot of family friends who came and went, I can see a better picture of what it was I went through.  

I want to write for games as a side.  I want to make independent film and video in the bay area as I see fit.  And the drama I've been through, including being tailed by a Winnebago one Friday evening that flashed its lights and weaved back and forth behind my on El Camino on my way home from Fry's Electronics, has been extraordinary.  

And, it saw three suicide attempts on my part.  

Further, there is a curious concern as to why I didn't date and avoided women.  I wanted to cure my temper first and foremost.   And, further, I fell in love with a blonde bank teller after my mother died.  It had been my hope and dream to seek her out once I had cured myself and gotten into a career I liked.  But that's been destroyed.  Further, she may have been manipulated away from me with a lot of promise of wealth and prestige, and further abuse of my person by psychiatry which drove her away after I reacted.  

Further, that through my 50 years of existence there seems to have been some concern with me being an occultist.  I am an atheist.  I am not a satanist.  Satanism is just as ridiculous as any form of Christianity or any religion anywhere.  All religions are, in point and fact, lies and social mechanisms created for control.  

Further, to this end, that there has been an effort to torpedo my efforts to meet other atheists in the local area, as I've been wanting to for my entire life.

Further, that there has been a criminal tracking of my activity hoping to turn me away from atheism and put me on a career path that I did not and do not want.  Again, some of this appears to come from the United Kingdom as well as India.

Further, I was raised believing I was multi-ethnic, which may still be true, but my ethnicities, as I knew them were Pennsylvania Dutch German and Hispanic (native American, Spanish, maybe some French or even African genes all mixed together).  This may not be the case, but it has been something that I have had to discover.

I like being George.  But someone, again in my opinion, tried to harass me out of my life for whatever purpose.  And it appears to focus around choosing a career path for me, and something to do with women and me dating.

I am not interested in women anymore.  And my career path has been so disrupted that I will call foul against anyone who tries to offer me a leg up on a path I do not want.

I have tried contacting the police several times to put an end to this ordeal.  I did try filing complaints with the state of California and more recently the Department of Justice and the San Mateo Sheriff's office.  My phone and internet activity may have been hacked, and the complaint I filed over the phone with the San Mateo Sheriff's office has vanished.  Additionally, one complaint I filed with the Department of Justice has dissapeared, and another, for whatever reason, is taking four months to be processed and mailed to me.

Ergo the conclusion that I had family who were VIPs because of all of the red tape and security measures I have gone through.

I have an idea of who this over family is.  I want nothing to do with them.  Because of them I have lost my house, my car, and probably the women I knew as my mother.  And, further, because of their stupidity, I was turned away from writing jobs in order to get me lined up with contractor or construction oriented jobs, I'm guessing, as a precursor to work for a local film company, when all I ever wanted to do was to be a production assistant for that company, and then move on to create my own art.  This is the same family that thought I was a satanist.  

I am not interested in romance or sex anymore.  I was.  But I was going to indulge in it on my own terms.  But someone kept interfereing in my life.

Further, the depression I suffered from adolescence, may in and of itself have been a psychiatric technique as part of an "oversight" routine designed to keep me in line, as well as being part of a symptom from steroid use.  When all it did was absolutely destroy every academic and professional ambition I've ever tried to create for myself.

Again, local and now even state and federal law enforcement is aware of my plight.  

I think only good things can happen from here on out.

I will write for my favorite game and not bring shame to it.  I will create my own art on my own terms as I live locally, and not engage nor be employed by a larger entity that probably had designs on my person.  

Regardless of my personal origins, regardless of my DNA and family heritage, I am George, and I like being George, and I have my own aims, desires and dreams to achieve what I want, when I want, and how I want.

And if you don't like it, then you come to me personally and tell me to my face.  After which I'll fucking knock you on your ass and then some.

End of story.
So, the dude who came to fix the alignment on my new closet doors (for some reason the Philippino they hired to come do them didn't use a tape measure ... go figure) was a nice enough guy.  But I felt like I was being set up with a career at the end of our conversation.

Whether it's the dudes at the Citizens of the Imperium talking about my efforts to make a Traveller mod for Counter Strike Source, and telling me about the millions of dollars that can be made, the lady at the toll booth for the San Rafael bridge who told me how I couldn't get fired from a CA state government job (Cal Trans), or the game author lookalike who told me how "the money was very good" in publishing, or the piece of shit telling me how I can make money-X by doing Y, I'm sick of it.

For the fucking bastards who have hounded my life for the last 12 years, if you fucking idiots had just let me alone, just let me to my own devices, then here's what would have happened;

1) I would have worked my way up to an assistant manager position at a job of my choice
2) I would have gotten caught up on all my bills, paid off back dues for everything
3) Been able to tack another 15 to 20 years onto my venerable and lovable Acura integra
4) After doing all that, take the balance of that income stream, and get training at either BAVC or some other film/video training facility
5) Been able to restart my old film business and network
6) through that process, graduate from the job I had, and freelance full time, as well as write on the side.
7) look for that special girl that was on my mind since 1991

But no.  Instead I get a lot of people trying to set me up with some fucking trade in an attempt to make up for their past missteps.

I refuse to do anything more.  And, to be extremely honest, I never wanted to go into film or video, but wanted to go into aerospace with perhaps some natural science as a minor.

I chose film as a second choice, but I was never fascinated with "story telling" (no matter how skilled I got at it).  I'm not into psychology nor how absolute fucking morons think ... the world is full of experts on idiocy, and even they can't figure out why assholes do asshole things.

I thought I might go into film so that what I could not create in reality with an engineering or science degree, I could at least put up on screen for all to see.  Inspire people?  Was that my aim?  Not really.  I couldn't give a shit if anyone was inspired or not.

But, back to the front door costing 8 grand.  I've no interest in it. 

I wanted to write for Traveller on the side as I worked some job I liked, or maybe do film and video work.  That's it.

If I need to become a word worker, or a handyman who's skilled in some aspect of construction to get "my dream job", then I don't belong there, and it wouldn't be my dream job to begin with.

Bitching here and elsewhere, watching what few films I like, and playing games seems to be all life has in store for me.

I want to thank DFNC for helicopter parenting me all those years and putting me in this situation.  I want to thank the entirety of San Mateo county for getting star struck by that POS sonofabitch (with apologies to canines everywhere), and I'd like to thank both the US Navy and the US Army for employing my mother and father respectively, and whatever else they may have been involved with in my life.

I don't care about building computers to sell on ebay.  I don't care about making front doors for the local mid-high tier wealthy people in Marin county.  And I certainly don't give a flying fuck about anything to work for the State of California, and certainly not Cal Trans.

You goddamn bastards put me in this predicament, and you're going to pay by standing tall in front of a judge, every single last one of you people. 

In particular DFNC and his bitch wife.
So I took down my previous entries because I thought I might be in the wrong somewhere.

It turns out I'm not.  But I'm too lazy to repost them.

Family history is exonerated.

And, for the first time in I don't know how many years, game servers are populated with regular asinine kids and teenagers.

I refuse to write anymore other than off handed forum post here and there, including this journal entry.

And that's that.
I have become aware of some familial history recently, and it effects the content of the log entries I posted.  I have therefore deleted it.

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daGohs Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2017
Mesmerising!
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Blue-Jedi Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2017
Thank you, but what is mesmerizing?
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tahirlazim Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2017
Thank you for the fav! 
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wiwaldi24 Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:) (Smile) Thank you. Handshake 
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Hey, thanks for the fav....
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+fav thank you!
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:):wave: Thanks for :iconbigfav4plz: ing!
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Charlottehall1991 Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2017  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you for faving x
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ingeline-art Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2017   Traditional Artist
Thanks so much for faving -
that means so much for me!
Ingeline-art cologne ;-) (Wink)))Floating Heart (Black) - F2U! Floating Heart (Black) - F2U! Floating Heart (Black) - F2U! Floating Heart (Black) - F2U! Floating Heart (Black) - F2U!

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